![]() ![]() I mean it: “Makes Me Wonder” and “Won’t Go Home Without You” deserve a poptimist reevaluation from critics now besotted with Rihanna and Robyn. Except that Man From Maroon 5 is not an ice queen and Christina can’t do minimal, so although there’s probably something catchy in there it’s too wordy to even be an advertising backer.ĭan Weiss: The best thing about Maroon 5 these days is their font. ![]() Hazel Robinson: This has got whistling, which immediately sets me against it and the disco element is so inoffensive it could be on a Sophie Ellis-Bextor record. I’m sure one exists, but this most certainly is not it. Plus, whistling? I can’t think of a song involving a prominently whistled hook that doesn’t inspire me to fits of rage. Somehow, this explains everything else.Īlex Ostroff: I’ve been known to enjoy the white boy funk of Maroon 5 on occasion, but when fused with electrothump of 2011 vintage, any swagger that Adam Levine may have once possessed is leeched away by the same force that sucked out his sense of syncopation and his sleazy seductive qualities. “Moves With Jagger” is also laced with whistling. You’ve heard it before: it’s “Give a Little More,” sexual politics intact, plus a Mick Jagger reference somehow not accompanied by “swagger,” plus total disco (see the “ lyrics video,” which abandons all menace for primary colors and pink Katy Perry script.) There’s also Christina Aguilera, and her half-presence raises more questions: is she losing her voice or just being coy with it? Why’s she evoking Britney by clipping her notes with a groan, but evoking her old self with that “Genie in a Bottle” reference? If you subscribe to either The Voice‘s or the tabloids’ versions of Adam and Christina’s inter-coach rivalry, there’s probably some extra frisson to the power dynamics here (and vocal dynamics–when the hell else has Xtina been made so peripheral?) If not, hey, she’s easily ignored. On that strength, he landed The Voice, added televised snark to his Jaggerly moveset and thus got an excuse to release one more song. ![]() It’s not just his looks but his voice, by now so slithery with AutoTune it resembles a sitar. It is a phenomenon so pervasive Kay Hanley wrote a song about it. Katherine St Asaph: “Misery” attracted so little company on the charts that Maroon 5 would likely become a nonentity if not for one problem: you have a crush on Adam Levine. Sitting on the middle of a seesaw is unpleasant but sometimes necessary! Kat Stevens: This is both terrible and amazing! The seesaw of my opinion bangs firmly down on the dog turd splattered part of the playground whenever I think about how much Adam’s voice sounds like Phil Collins (but with less gusto) it soars high up into cotton-candy clouds with a great view over the city whenever I picture Adam and Christina aged 65, gyrating to this at a wedding disco to the disgust of the younger generations. Michaela Drapes: I’ve always found Adam Levine nasty and unappealing the idea of him and Xtina having “kinky” roleplay sex where he’s Mick Jagger and she’s Jerry Hall (better fit than Bianca, or anyone else, right?) is even more appalling. As for the other billed has-been? Now that we’re talking Stones here, anyone remember Lisa Fischer? This sparkly Pro Tooled-to-death stomper is closer to “Moves Like Timberlake,” especially when the guitars mimic the Chic sample in Modjo’s “Lady (Hear Me Tonight)” and Levine actually sings “take me by the tongue” as if he thought it was a sexy come-on. Think they wrote this one after the Grammys? Or were they just trying to get Mick to make a surprise appearance on The Voice? Maybe next season, eh?Īlfred Soto: “Wishful thinking” is the obvious response. Adam, meanwhile, sounds like he’s auditioning for Chromeo. But here she just jumps in with only a hint of the usual “HEY-yeah!” growling that has become her default vocal position. er, I mean, by Maroon 5 ( is a group!) and Christina Aguilera, who knows all about playing to the camera since she starred in the ultra-amazing Burlesque. Michaelangelo Matos: Why, look! It’s the brand new hit single by prime-time TV star and late-night talk-show regular Adam Levine and his blonde female sidekick whose last album flopped. Donnie Trumpet & the Social Experiment.I LIE HERE BURIED WITH MY RINGS AND MY DRESSES.Email (song suggestions/writer enquiries).
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